Be Careful of This!

Hello Beautiful.

How have you been feeling about yourself lately? Are you inspired? Or Dissatisfied? Are you energetic, or tired? Are you confident, or withdrawn? Are you peaceful, or restless? If you are not feeling as well as you would like to feel, it could be attributed to a few things:

  1. Lackluster goals which don't inspire you (or no goals whatsoever)
  2. A general sense of not being enough (like you'll never measure up)
  3. Confusion about what you should be doing with your life
  4. Fatigue from not taking care of yourself
  5. A lack of daily rituals or discipline

I know, I know .. sometimes you wonder how I know you so well ūüėČ Maybe it's because I've been there. Maybe it's because I've helped so many who have been there. Maybe it's because you are in really really good company ... and what you are feeling so many have felt.

Regardless, whatever you are feeling will be underscored, and reinforced, by the messages you are sending to yourself .. about yourself. Sometimes said so often that they become labels: shy, lazy, scared, unworthy, unready, slow, fat, broke, tired, sick, sad, bad mother (or father) ... the list is endless.

The problem is that all of these messages affect your self-esteem. And your self esteem dictates how worthy you feel.

You will only draw opportunities to you that you feel worthy of. You will only draw friends (and partners) to you that you feel worthy of. You will only draw material possessions that you feel worthy of receiving. So, there is a direct correlation between the circumstances in your life, and how well you feel about yourself.

There are no mysteries in life. Outer circumstances always reflect the inner you.

As you go about your life today, whether you are working, dreaming, playing, or preparing, try and pay attention to the frequency to which you label yourself. Every time you catch yourself in self-criticism, switch the thought to self-love. Start changing the messages you send to yourself. Switch up the script. Your life depends on it.

And if you want support to get your life in the direction you desire, contact me about one-on-one coaching. I can get you there.

Much love! xx

Putting Yourself First

Hello Beautiful.

Every once in a while I come across a truism that hits me square; today it was this: "Never feel guilty for doing what is best for you." Likely because feeling guilty is the hallmark of the "nice girl", as much as always putting the needs of others first. While it may seem like a beautiful characteristic, altruism comes with a deep price. Namely, we run ourselves ragged. And sometimes into the poor house.

Chances are you have been taught to always put others first. And that you should ignore your own needs while you attend to the needs of others. The problems is, neglecting yourself makes you deeply resentful. It also makes you less effective.

And this doesn't just apply to our personal relationships.

Business owners/leaders who always put the needs of our clients or staff ahead of their own suffer from the same affliction. It may seem like a good idea - after all the customer is always right - but it doesn't take long before you have a business which is running you, with clients setting your terms and conditions, and comes no where near the level of freedom and satisfaction you expect to feel. How long can a person stand the weight of that before collapse is inevitable?

I understand that all leaders are here to serve, myself included, but if I am leading you, is it not in your best interest that I come from a place of health, energy, vitality, and sanity? ‚ėļ

Look, all I am saying is, you have the right ... scratch that .... you have the obligation to attend to your needs first. And from that place you are in the right place to contribute. Think about it.

With abundance of love, xx

When People Don’t Like You

Hello Beautiful.

Women have such a complicated relationship with confidence. On one hand we are told to be strong, brave, authentic, and powerful. On the other, we have this tremendous need to be liked and included. So how are we to reconcile the strength of our authenticity and not giving a damn, against our desire for acceptance? I think it's one of our biggest life dilemmas.

Here's what I had to learn: it is no one's purpose in life to like me, except mine.
Even the most "likeable" among us will have detractors who for one reason or another will never respond to us positively. All this means is that we are not in vibration with that person. We do not have resonance with them.

That's not a bad thing. People who do not understand each other - who come from different perspectives and experiences are unlikely going to find a kindred spirit with each other. Only birds of a feather flock together.
That's understandable. That we can deal with.

What's harder to understand is when someone goes out of their way to be unkind to you. Or speak unkindly about you. Especially when you did nothing to deserve it. Ouch.

Know this: when someone is triggered by you (or their idea of you), it has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with their own "stuff". You were just the lucky person who surfaced it.

Thoughts and judgments about others are always a reflection of the person doing the thinking and the judging.

Our job is to let it roll off. Let them attend to their own stuff. Right? But more likely what happens when we are "rejected", it surfaces our abandonment issues. Our issue to be liked. Our issue to be good enough. Our issue to do things right and perfect. Our issue to be people pleasers.

Oh yeah that.

That's what you must safeguard yourself against. If it surfaces you release it. (What about their approval matters to much to you?)

Release every urge to allow this sting to surface the judge in YOU. No judgment for yourself, and none for them either.
Your job is to be true to you. And to like who you are. And let everyone else off the hook.

We can't reach everyone. We can't please everyone. And what's more ... we were never designed to.

Stand strong and proud in who you are. Cuz who you are is WONDERFUL.

To your amazing success, xx

Don’t Spend Time with These

Hello Beautiful.

The older I get the more discriminating I get with my time and the people I associate with. I respect all persons right to be who they are, but I have become choosy with whom I spend high quality time with.
This is for two reasons:

  1. Life is short, and I want to feel good. People affect how I feel. So I do not risk my joy by hanging around those who suck the life out of the room. Do you know what I mean?
  2. I am influenced (and so are most of us), by the thoughts and behaviors of others. So I choose to surround myself with people who make me better. By better, I mean feel better, think better, and choose better.

Give yourself permission to do the same. Ignore anyone who threatens your well being. Do not try to prove, convince, change, or defend. Life is too short to waste your energy on this type of transaction. It's okay for others to be different in their moods and viewpoints, let people be. Instead, invest your time with people who understand you, support you, lift you, cheer you, encourage you, and grow you.

You have one life. This is it. Lock arms with those who've got your back.

To your amazing success, xx

Ask Yourself This

Hello Beautiful.

I learned a phrase recently from one of my mentors: the totality of possibility. Which is the understanding that each time you drop a limitation about yourself (a judgment, a criticism, a fear) you get closer to the limitless possibility of your self-expression. In other words, what could be possible for you if you freed yourself from self-criticism?

To that end, here is a powerful question to ask yourself deb...

"What is it like to be me when I am not judging myself?"

  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your body?
  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your abilities?
  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your choices?
  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your fear?

The truth is Beautiful, as focused as we are on how others feel about us, and treat us, the true shaping power of what is possible for each of us is directed by our own self-opinion. Our focus has been in the wrong place (over there with acceptance by others), when it is YOU, and only you who creates your possibility.

Think about that for a minute.

What if today you decided to think only positive, loving thoughts about yourself? What if today you could feel self-compassion, and hold yourself in a loving embrace? What if you could dwell in possibility today because you freed yourself from your own critique?

What do you think would happen?

Today, speak and think only wonderfully about yourself. And watch what happens to possibility.

To your amazing success, xx

Honor What Needs Healing

Hello Beautiful.

Never be afraid to look at yourself. Never be afraid to tell yourself the truth. Never cover up the parts of you that you have labeled "bad". Because all of you is worthy of love. The more you hide of yourself the less love and forgiveness you can receive. And the less likely you will make the changes in your life you desperately want to make.

Every person you have ever known, every person who has ever lived for that matter, has a pocket of themselves which they close off to the rest of the world. Because they are deeply embarrassed or deeply ashamed. Take some comfort knowing that you are in very good company.

But being in good company does not take away the sting you feel about it.

Do you know what does take the sting away? Self-Compassion. Compassion means offering understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Today apply that compassion to yourself.

Learn to look at yourself with compassionate eyes. Because the judgement and the shame and the rejection you feel towards yourself will become the judgment you see reflected in the eyes of others. When what you really deserve, is full and complete LOVE for the beautiful human being you are.

Honestly and lovingly examining the aspects of you that you wished were different gives you a beautiful opportunity to ask the questions, Can I live with this? Or do I want to do something about this? Have I forgiven myself for this? Can I grow from this?

Shine a light on your life. Shine a light on all of beautiful pieces of your existence. Never hide yourself. And when you are ready to reach for help and support, I hope you do so with full acceptance and hope for complete acceptance and healing.

To Your Amazing Success, xx