Self-Belief

Call Yourself Out With This Q

Hello Beautiful.

I read the most striking truism today: we attract what we feel worthy of. It made me examine my own life and decisions for evidence of "truthiness". (If that's not a word, it should be lol). The evidence was plentiful.

We are always attracting opportunities, but we only say "yes" to those which we feel worthy of. In other words, we shy away from things when we don't feel ready. (By ready, I mean feel good enough for.) That includes business opportunities, personal opportunities, even romantic partners.

We may wish for it all day long, but the test of our worthiness shows up only when we say yes.

Looking back on my own life, I can recall countless times opportunity knocked for me, almost to exact specifications of the future I'd imagined, and yet time after time I closed the door. I found excuses to say "not now".  I let my own "logic" (aka fear logic) talk me out of it. But in truth, it was the fear of not feeling ready enough, or worthy enough.

Hesitation still happens. And it will always happen - for every person on their personal path of evolution. It matters not who you are, or how big you are. The only difference being, the game is bigger and the stakes are higher. But the feeling of "am I ready for this?" is the same.

Today, when that fear pattern is in progress, here's the question I use to call out myself ..

"Would my wiser future self advise me to say yes to this?" Or, sometimes I phrase it like this: "Would my Dad, who has passed but is ever present and loving to me, advise me to say yes to this?"

Do something your future self will thank you for.

With abundance of love, xx

Be Careful of This!

Hello Beautiful.

How have you been feeling about yourself lately? Are you inspired? Or Dissatisfied? Are you energetic, or tired? Are you confident, or withdrawn? Are you peaceful, or restless? If you are not feeling as well as you would like to feel, it could be attributed to a few things:

  1. Lackluster goals which don't inspire you (or no goals whatsoever)
  2. A general sense of not being enough (like you'll never measure up)
  3. Confusion about what you should be doing with your life
  4. Fatigue from not taking care of yourself
  5. A lack of daily rituals or discipline

I know, I know .. sometimes you wonder how I know you so well 😉 Maybe it's because I've been there. Maybe it's because I've helped so many who have been there. Maybe it's because you are in really really good company ... and what you are feeling so many have felt.

Regardless, whatever you are feeling will be underscored, and reinforced, by the messages you are sending to yourself .. about yourself. Sometimes said so often that they become labels: shy, lazy, scared, unworthy, unready, slow, fat, broke, tired, sick, sad, bad mother (or father) ... the list is endless.

The problem is that all of these messages affect your self-esteem. And your self esteem dictates how worthy you feel.

You will only draw opportunities to you that you feel worthy of. You will only draw friends (and partners) to you that you feel worthy of. You will only draw material possessions that you feel worthy of receiving. So, there is a direct correlation between the circumstances in your life, and how well you feel about yourself.

There are no mysteries in life. Outer circumstances always reflect the inner you.

As you go about your life today, whether you are working, dreaming, playing, or preparing, try and pay attention to the frequency to which you label yourself. Every time you catch yourself in self-criticism, switch the thought to self-love. Start changing the messages you send to yourself. Switch up the script. Your life depends on it.

And if you want support to get your life in the direction you desire, contact me about one-on-one coaching. I can get you there.

Much love! xx

Putting Yourself First

Hello Beautiful.

Every once in a while I come across a truism that hits me square; today it was this: "Never feel guilty for doing what is best for you." Likely because feeling guilty is the hallmark of the "nice girl", as much as always putting the needs of others first. While it may seem like a beautiful characteristic, altruism comes with a deep price. Namely, we run ourselves ragged. And sometimes into the poor house.

Chances are you have been taught to always put others first. And that you should ignore your own needs while you attend to the needs of others. The problems is, neglecting yourself makes you deeply resentful. It also makes you less effective.

And this doesn't just apply to our personal relationships.

Business owners/leaders who always put the needs of our clients or staff ahead of their own suffer from the same affliction. It may seem like a good idea - after all the customer is always right - but it doesn't take long before you have a business which is running you, with clients setting your terms and conditions, and comes no where near the level of freedom and satisfaction you expect to feel. How long can a person stand the weight of that before collapse is inevitable?

I understand that all leaders are here to serve, myself included, but if I am leading you, is it not in your best interest that I come from a place of health, energy, vitality, and sanity? ☺

Look, all I am saying is, you have the right ... scratch that .... you have the obligation to attend to your needs first. And from that place you are in the right place to contribute. Think about it.

With abundance of love, xx

Ask Yourself This

Hello Beautiful.

I learned a phrase recently from one of my mentors: the totality of possibility. Which is the understanding that each time you drop a limitation about yourself (a judgment, a criticism, a fear) you get closer to the limitless possibility of your self-expression. In other words, what could be possible for you if you freed yourself from self-criticism?

To that end, here is a powerful question to ask yourself deb...

"What is it like to be me when I am not judging myself?"

  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your body?
  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your abilities?
  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your choices?
  • When was the last time you lived a day without critiquing your fear?

The truth is Beautiful, as focused as we are on how others feel about us, and treat us, the true shaping power of what is possible for each of us is directed by our own self-opinion. Our focus has been in the wrong place (over there with acceptance by others), when it is YOU, and only you who creates your possibility.

Think about that for a minute.

What if today you decided to think only positive, loving thoughts about yourself? What if today you could feel self-compassion, and hold yourself in a loving embrace? What if you could dwell in possibility today because you freed yourself from your own critique?

What do you think would happen?

Today, speak and think only wonderfully about yourself. And watch what happens to possibility.

To your amazing success, xx

Never Step Back

Hello Beautiful.

You've heard the expression: Two steps forward, one step back. The inference being that progress is not always a steady advance, and one must expect setbacks as part of the journey. I don't disagree. However, I'm going to change the script for you this year to this: NEVER STEP BACK.

When you step out into faith - when you take action - and you get a response which unsettles you (because fear or self-doubt surfaces for you), RESIST the urge to retreat to safety. Do NOT pull back. Hold the line if you must, but whatever you do, do NOT withdraw.

Stand still, take a deep breath, seek wisdom, get advice, re-strategize, pause for a moment, and re-work your plan. But do not let fear or a lack of know-how cause you to retreat. That is a mistake. This is the moment that your faith is tested. And this is exactly when you KEEP THE FAITH.

This start - stop - retreat cycle is simply a lack of confidence. Lack of confidence is okay, because when you are doing something you have never done before, confidence is never going to be your fuel - DESIRE is your fuel. Confidence does not come until AFTER you have made progress, so don't expect it in advance. When you are experiencing high self-doubt, let your conviction, commitment, and burning desire pull you through. Figure it out!

Someone wise once said, the purpose of obstacles was to show you how bad you want something. Truth. You will be tested, so expect it.

An obstacle can appear in the form of bad news, a lack of response (crickets), a closed door, a "no", a blocked path, and very often it shows up as CRITICISM. Well guess what? Your dream belongs to YOU, no one else, and conforming to the expectations of every person who has something to say will kill your dream. Don't allow that to happen.

What you want is available to you. But you must prove it by how you respond to setbacks. When that happens, simply remind yourself of WHY you are doing what you are doing - and WHY this is so important to you. Adjust the sails and KEEP GOING.

2018 Strong, xx

Are You Settling?

Hello Beautiful.

Beneath the surface of your very responsible and busy life is this dream of possibility for something more significant. A dream of fulfillment and accomplishment, where you are living from an expanded version from yourself, contributing LARGE, and reaping the rewards and the fulfillment.

But that possibility calls for expanded behavior from you. Bigger thoughts. Bigger courage. Bolder leaps of faith, and a willingness to be vulnerable and exposed. It's completely terrifying truthfully. Especially when your comfort zone today is, well pretty comfortable.

Settling isn't shameful. In fact it's understandable. But it creates sadness. So to deal with it, most will just let the dream go. Because it's too painful otherwise. I know a little something about this. #debtruth

My goal with these posts, is not to change who you are - but to help you bring to life what you may have hidden, and to step into the greatness of who you are, while holding your hand through the discomfort of growth. Because going it alone is abundantly difficult.

I am certain your dreams are worthy of you. It's why I keep showing up for you. You are a bright, capable, brilliant human being. And if you really want greater fulfillment and meaning, then just say "YES" to it. Have the courage to stand TALL. And watch the universe and all that is line up behind you. Including me.

To Your Amazing Success, xx

When to Walk Away

Hello Beautiful.

There is this common misconception that loyalty means sacrificing oneself to the bitter end. That serving others (employers, clients, spouses, loved ones) means attending ALWAYS to their needs and only to your own if there was time left over. And only if your needs did not contradict.

While I will always espouse the virtue of commitment and persistence, it is never intended to mean "at all costs", especially when YOU are counted in that cost. Sacrifices are okay. but sacrificing yourself should never be part of a winning relationship. Relationships (including employment/client relationships) are only worthy when both parties are benefiting more than they are losing.

There comes a point when banging your head against a wall becomes fruitless, and there just simply will not be a mutually satisfying resolution. Give yourself permission to walk away.

That does not mean walk away bitter. It means walk away better.

Never be afraid to let something go that is not serving your greater good. Because the moment you start honoring yourself you set the standard for others to do the same. This isn't about getting angry and ugly, this is about getting clear and decisive. Make all your exits graceful.

To Your Amazing Success, xx

 

Always Do Your Best

Hello Beautiful.

Do you ever hear yourself speaking and think "Oh my goodness, that sounded like my mother talking!" And then you cringe slightly as you realize you have morphed into serious adulthood lol. Here is one piece of advice I bet your mother gave you:

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.

It's sage wisdom. Of course we should always do our best. But here is how I like to phrase it for a little more punch:

Don't go after anything with less than your best. 

The difference is a more proactive statement which implies you really really want the thing you are chasing. And therefore your best is not only preferred, it is required.

Sometimes when we are reaching for something new, we give ourselves escape clauses, and permission to do less than our best. Phrases like, I'll try. Or let's see how this goes. Or I'll give it my best effort. Which really means, "I'll give up if this becomes uncomfortable."

That's not winning, that's giving yourself an option to lose - or to accept less than what you want. It's called going through the motions. Do you ever watch students, or colleagues going through the motions? And don't you just want to give them a good shake?! lol

I am suggesting that you do not chase anything unless you are prepared to give it your BEST. I mean BEST best. I mean throw yourself in the arena, get bumps and bruises, fall down and get back up BEST. I mean try and fail, try and stumble, and keep going til you figure it out BEST.

Every problem is an opportunity for you to do your BEST.
Every door you walk through is an opportunity for you to do your BEST.
Every pang of fear is an opportunity for you to do your BEST.

Because BEST is what it takes for you to become excellent. And excellence will bring you kingdoms of rewards. Trust your calling. Trust yourself. Show up, in your BEST!

Don't go after anything with less than your best.

To your amazing success, xx

 

The Truth of You

Hello Beautiful.

I know sometimes life can be difficult. I know sometimes that people hurt your feelings. I know sometimes that obstacles seem impossible. I know sometimes that you bang your head against a wall. I know sometimes that you cry. I also know, that you never give up.

Today I want to remind you of the truth about yourself in case you have forgotten: YOU are amazing and strong and brave and wonderful! YOU are made of divine essence and are a miracle of miracles. YOU are a warm, brilliant, loving, bright light. YOU are a significant presence in this world and your life has changed this world. YOU are the most beautiful, from the most high, and you live with grace and kindness.

Never again doubt how awesome you are! Never again question your capability! Never again question if you are made of the "right stuff", or if you have it in you to go the distance. Because the truth of you, is that you are one magnificent glorious human being. And without question, your gifts are equally as magnificent and glorious.

Start believing in your own power. Start believing in your own strength. Start believing in your own gifts. Start believing in your own abilities. Because of this I am completely sure: YOU are so so so needed!  Push Push Push Push. All lights are green.

Now go and seize this day!

 

The Beauty of a Fresh Start

Hello Beautiful

Building self-belief is one thing, but keeping it something different all together. Living through the experience of a setback can be devastating to your ego, your confidence and your belief in yourself. Let's be real - failure stings. Big failure hurts. And complete failure can bring you to your knees. Ask me, I've been there.

Retreating and licking your wounds is a natural and reasonable response. I will never tell you to ignore the pain of it. But I will advise you to regroup as quickly as your ego will allow. Never ever ever let a setback stop you from growth!

Failures are opportunities to reassess. It does not mean the idea is wrong. It might mean the vision or the implementation needs work. And your creative problem solving is all that is required to get the result you need. As long as you are not stubbornly force-fitting a solution when your intuition is telling you to walk away. If you are unsure, pause and listen to your inner wisdom. Trust it.

My point is this: self-belief should never be tied to your results. It should always be tied to your resiliency. When you get to the place where you can keep yourself moving forward no matter what happens ... all doors will open to you.

Never downplay the brilliance of a fresh start. They are beautiful!

To your amazing success! xx