Letting Go

Stop Pushing!

Hello Beautiful.

Have you noticed that when you PUSH, the universe pushes back?
Have you noticed that when you FORCE, you get resistance?
Have you noticed that when you stress, and storm, lash out and fight, you get more conflict?

And have you also noticed ...

That when you relax, everyone around you relaxes.
That when you trust, things tend to line up for you.
And when you feel open, optimistic and grateful, life gets easier.

The secret to life, is that you are the creator of your experience. Life is always an echo of who you are being in the world. You may wonder "why" you are experiencing chaos, confusion, or upset, or "why" you are experiencing abundance, prosperity and joy. It isn't luck and happenstance. YOU are the why.

Understanding cause and effect is critical to your success. You always want to be on the cause side of the equation. And you ARE always on the cause side of the equation. The "effects" show up as results and circumstances.

Thinking of yourself on the effect side of the equation puts you in a powerless position. It's also incorrect. The "effects" are the result of who you are being in the world (thoughts, feelings actions). What you put out there, you get back. Always.

Think constructive thoughts. Be mindful of your energy. Believe in yourself. Think the best of others. Trust your path. Relax into it. Get into flow. Stop resisting. And enjoy your life. It is after all a brilliant life.

Be Blessed! (Because you are), xx

When People Don’t Like You

Hello Beautiful.

Women have such a complicated relationship with confidence. On one hand we are told to be strong, brave, authentic, and powerful. On the other, we have this tremendous need to be liked and included. So how are we to reconcile the strength of our authenticity and not giving a damn, against our desire for acceptance? I think it's one of our biggest life dilemmas.

Here's what I had to learn: it is no one's purpose in life to like me, except mine.
Even the most "likeable" among us will have detractors who for one reason or another will never respond to us positively. All this means is that we are not in vibration with that person. We do not have resonance with them.

That's not a bad thing. People who do not understand each other - who come from different perspectives and experiences are unlikely going to find a kindred spirit with each other. Only birds of a feather flock together.
That's understandable. That we can deal with.

What's harder to understand is when someone goes out of their way to be unkind to you. Or speak unkindly about you. Especially when you did nothing to deserve it. Ouch.

Know this: when someone is triggered by you (or their idea of you), it has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with their own "stuff". You were just the lucky person who surfaced it.

Thoughts and judgments about others are always a reflection of the person doing the thinking and the judging.

Our job is to let it roll off. Let them attend to their own stuff. Right? But more likely what happens when we are "rejected", it surfaces our abandonment issues. Our issue to be liked. Our issue to be good enough. Our issue to do things right and perfect. Our issue to be people pleasers.

Oh yeah that.

That's what you must safeguard yourself against. If it surfaces you release it. (What about their approval matters to much to you?)

Release every urge to allow this sting to surface the judge in YOU. No judgment for yourself, and none for them either.
Your job is to be true to you. And to like who you are. And let everyone else off the hook.

We can't reach everyone. We can't please everyone. And what's more ... we were never designed to.

Stand strong and proud in who you are. Cuz who you are is WONDERFUL.

To your amazing success, xx

Don’t Spend Time with These

Hello Beautiful.

The older I get the more discriminating I get with my time and the people I associate with. I respect all persons right to be who they are, but I have become choosy with whom I spend high quality time with.
This is for two reasons:

  1. Life is short, and I want to feel good. People affect how I feel. So I do not risk my joy by hanging around those who suck the life out of the room. Do you know what I mean?
  2. I am influenced (and so are most of us), by the thoughts and behaviors of others. So I choose to surround myself with people who make me better. By better, I mean feel better, think better, and choose better.

Give yourself permission to do the same. Ignore anyone who threatens your well being. Do not try to prove, convince, change, or defend. Life is too short to waste your energy on this type of transaction. It's okay for others to be different in their moods and viewpoints, let people be. Instead, invest your time with people who understand you, support you, lift you, cheer you, encourage you, and grow you.

You have one life. This is it. Lock arms with those who've got your back.

To your amazing success, xx

Put a Period at the end of an Experience

Hello Beautiful.

Have you noticed that people who struggle with relationships, have always struggled with relationships? Have you also noticed that people who are late are always late? And people who struggle with weight, money, procrastination, letting go, have always struggled with these issues?

The truth is, we are all walking, talking, breathing bundles of habits. Day in and day out, we think the thoughts we have always thought. We speak the same words. We believe the same things. We blame the same people. And we respond very very predictably to life. It's become tough to surprise people.

Sometimes that serves us. Because routines and rituals make us efficient, accountable, and reliable. All good. But too often it hurts us. Because we get caught in these perpetual loops of bad experiences like one big run on sentence. There just is no end.

I want to impress upon you today how important it is to for you to recognize the patterns in your life. Where is your consistent pain? What do you struggle with over and over? And when will enough become enough. Because it is only YOU who can change it.

The really really great news, is that you can absolutely change it. Ask yourself these 2 questions:

  1. If not now, then when? (How much longer are you prepared to live with it?)
  2. If now me, then who? (Who will change it for you?)

Put a period on the end of a pattern. Put a period on the end of an experience. And write yourself a new story. Today: do something different.

To your amazing success, xx

When to Walk Away

Hello Beautiful.

There is this common misconception that loyalty means sacrificing oneself to the bitter end. That serving others (employers, clients, spouses, loved ones) means attending ALWAYS to their needs and only to your own if there was time left over. And only if your needs did not contradict.

While I will always espouse the virtue of commitment and persistence, it is never intended to mean "at all costs", especially when YOU are counted in that cost. Sacrifices are okay. but sacrificing yourself should never be part of a winning relationship. Relationships (including employment/client relationships) are only worthy when both parties are benefiting more than they are losing.

There comes a point when banging your head against a wall becomes fruitless, and there just simply will not be a mutually satisfying resolution. Give yourself permission to walk away.

That does not mean walk away bitter. It means walk away better.

Never be afraid to let something go that is not serving your greater good. Because the moment you start honoring yourself you set the standard for others to do the same. This isn't about getting angry and ugly, this is about getting clear and decisive. Make all your exits graceful.

To Your Amazing Success, xx