Perfect Isn’t Required

Hello Beautiful.

I woke this morning agitated with myself. Because I missed my 5 am deadline to get today's post completed.

If you know me well, you know how much this bothers me, because you know my lifelong struggle with perfectionism. Perhaps you struggle with this same affliction. So as I am beating myself up, this came to me:

Hold yourself to a standard of GRACE, not a standard of perfection.

Beautiful isn't it? When the wisdom came to me, I forgave myself and got into action.

So what does it mean to hold oneself to a standard of grace and not perfection?

It means to go through life with thoughtfulness, thankfulness, kindness, contribution, helpful attitude, poise, dignity, and forgiveness. It means do your best, and come from a good place.

It means give more than you take. It means stay strong, stay sure, and stay composed when you stumble.

And it also means, recover to the best of your ability. And get into motion, not into regret.

Do you know what? That is a beautiful standard for life. No one could ask for anything more from you.

To your amazing success, xx


When People Don’t Like You

Hello Beautiful.

Women have such a complicated relationship with confidence. On one hand we are told to be strong, brave, authentic, and powerful. On the other, we have this tremendous need to be liked and included. So how are we to reconcile the strength of our authenticity and not giving a damn, against our desire for acceptance? I think it's one of our biggest life dilemmas.

Here's what I had to learn: it is no one's purpose in life to like me, except mine.
Even the most "likeable" among us will have detractors who for one reason or another will never respond to us positively. All this means is that we are not in vibration with that person. We do not have resonance with them.

That's not a bad thing. People who do not understand each other - who come from different perspectives and experiences are unlikely going to find a kindred spirit with each other. Only birds of a feather flock together.
That's understandable. That we can deal with.

What's harder to understand is when someone goes out of their way to be unkind to you. Or speak unkindly about you. Especially when you did nothing to deserve it. Ouch.

Know this: when someone is triggered by you (or their idea of you), it has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with their own "stuff". You were just the lucky person who surfaced it.

Thoughts and judgments about others are always a reflection of the person doing the thinking and the judging.

Our job is to let it roll off. Let them attend to their own stuff. Right? But more likely what happens when we are "rejected", it surfaces our abandonment issues. Our issue to be liked. Our issue to be good enough. Our issue to do things right and perfect. Our issue to be people pleasers.

Oh yeah that.

That's what you must safeguard yourself against. If it surfaces you release it. (What about their approval matters to much to you?)

Release every urge to allow this sting to surface the judge in YOU. No judgment for yourself, and none for them either.
Your job is to be true to you. And to like who you are. And let everyone else off the hook.

We can't reach everyone. We can't please everyone. And what's more ... we were never designed to.

Stand strong and proud in who you are. Cuz who you are is WONDERFUL.

To your amazing success, xx

Honor What Needs Healing

Hello Beautiful.

Never be afraid to look at yourself. Never be afraid to tell yourself the truth. Never cover up the parts of you that you have labeled "bad". Because all of you is worthy of love. The more you hide of yourself the less love and forgiveness you can receive. And the less likely you will make the changes in your life you desperately want to make.

Every person you have ever known, every person who has ever lived for that matter, has a pocket of themselves which they close off to the rest of the world. Because they are deeply embarrassed or deeply ashamed. Take some comfort knowing that you are in very good company.

But being in good company does not take away the sting you feel about it.

Do you know what does take the sting away? Self-Compassion. Compassion means offering understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Today apply that compassion to yourself.

Learn to look at yourself with compassionate eyes. Because the judgement and the shame and the rejection you feel towards yourself will become the judgment you see reflected in the eyes of others. When what you really deserve, is full and complete LOVE for the beautiful human being you are.

Honestly and lovingly examining the aspects of you that you wished were different gives you a beautiful opportunity to ask the questions, Can I live with this? Or do I want to do something about this? Have I forgiven myself for this? Can I grow from this?

Shine a light on your life. Shine a light on all of beautiful pieces of your existence. Never hide yourself. And when you are ready to reach for help and support, I hope you do so with full acceptance and hope for complete acceptance and healing.

To Your Amazing Success, xx