Go Where You Know You Must Go

Hello Beautiful.

You may not realize it, but every person who has ever lived has been driven by the same purpose: to evolve. For you that means learning, growing, achieving, acquiring,expanding, pursuing, and achieving. Coded in your DNA is a "goal fulfillment mechanism" which drives you to expand your horizons. It's innate. It's why dissatisfaction creeps in whenever we find ourselves "stuck" or stagnant. Ruts do not serve us and run counter to our natural inclination.

But here's the rub - every goal you have ever wanted, including the goals you have set for this new year, exist outside of your comfort zone. They are close enough for you to imagine and claim, but far enough out of reach to make you stretch. Your comfort zone will have to expand in order to include this "new thing" you want.

Comfort zones are only expanded through discomfort. You can't get there comfortably. That means you gotta learn to tolerate discomfort! The higher your tolerance the greater your chances of success.

To be frank, the reason most people do not reach their goals is because they object to the discomfort. And I get it, I've been there. Discomfort like FEAR. Sacrificing free time. Changing habits. Saying no. Saying yes. Leaps of faith. Risk. Rejection. There is a lot of unpleasantness. But you know what? Your goal is TOTALLY worth it. And so are you.

There was a time that I thought I would NEVER have the courage to stand and speak publicly. I mean NEVER EVER EVER NEVER would I have thought that was possible for me. And my first experiences with it were brutal ... embarrassingly so. There were times following a performance that I cried because I was so disappointed. There were times that I had overwhelming stage fright and had to force myself to follow through. And do you know why I persevered? It wasn't because I had a goal of being a speaker ... it's because I had a goal of reaching people. And I was prepared to put myself through hell to get there. Well guess what? I got there. And now it is one of the greatest privileges of my life.

Push yourself this year. Do what you KNOW you must do. Go where you know you must go.

To your amazing success, xx

Never Step Back

Hello Beautiful.

You've heard the expression: Two steps forward, one step back. The inference being that progress is not always a steady advance, and one must expect setbacks as part of the journey. I don't disagree. However, I'm going to change the script for you this year to this: NEVER STEP BACK.

When you step out into faith - when you take action - and you get a response which unsettles you (because fear or self-doubt surfaces for you), RESIST the urge to retreat to safety. Do NOT pull back. Hold the line if you must, but whatever you do, do NOT withdraw.

Stand still, take a deep breath, seek wisdom, get advice, re-strategize, pause for a moment, and re-work your plan. But do not let fear or a lack of know-how cause you to retreat. That is a mistake. This is the moment that your faith is tested. And this is exactly when you KEEP THE FAITH.

This start - stop - retreat cycle is simply a lack of confidence. Lack of confidence is okay, because when you are doing something you have never done before, confidence is never going to be your fuel - DESIRE is your fuel. Confidence does not come until AFTER you have made progress, so don't expect it in advance. When you are experiencing high self-doubt, let your conviction, commitment, and burning desire pull you through. Figure it out!

Someone wise once said, the purpose of obstacles was to show you how bad you want something. Truth. You will be tested, so expect it.

An obstacle can appear in the form of bad news, a lack of response (crickets), a closed door, a "no", a blocked path, and very often it shows up as CRITICISM. Well guess what? Your dream belongs to YOU, no one else, and conforming to the expectations of every person who has something to say will kill your dream. Don't allow that to happen.

What you want is available to you. But you must prove it by how you respond to setbacks. When that happens, simply remind yourself of WHY you are doing what you are doing - and WHY this is so important to you. Adjust the sails and KEEP GOING.

2018 Strong, xx

Disappointing Others

Hello Beautiful.

There is a certain degree of selfishness which happens on the way to "dreams come true". Because there is a single-mindedness about creating a life of meaning, which is solely centered around one's own passion and calling.

On this road of fulfillment, as we anticipate obstacles like fear, self-doubt, and l'il ol' me syndrome, we rarely stop to anticipate the NUMBER ONE obstacle for everyone. Namely ... the wants and needs of every person who matters to you.

Which by the way, are most certainly going to be in opposition to your own. Enter: inner turmoil, angst, restless nights.

What do you do when your personal desires conflict with those you hold dearest? Do you risk disappointment? Them? Or you?

It's amazing what some people will do to avoid hurting and disappointing others. But I want you to understand that the only way to make a difference in the lives of others, is to first make a difference in your own.

Read that again.

Don't be surprised when others try to reel you back in. Or make more demands or you. Or test you with guilt. People have difficulty letting go of "how they like you". The worst thing you can do is give in. Because it creates mixed messages and teaches others to doubt you.

Instead, be honest and direct and hold steadfast to your highest needs. You have the right to want what you want. Especially if what you want holds your happiness.
Today be true to you. And let everyone else who doesn't get it, "get over it". If they love you, they will.

To your amazing success, xx

Are You Settling?

Hello Beautiful.

Beneath the surface of your very responsible and busy life is this dream of possibility for something more significant. A dream of fulfillment and accomplishment, where you are living from an expanded version from yourself, contributing LARGE, and reaping the rewards and the fulfillment.

But that possibility calls for expanded behavior from you. Bigger thoughts. Bigger courage. Bolder leaps of faith, and a willingness to be vulnerable and exposed. It's completely terrifying truthfully. Especially when your comfort zone today is, well pretty comfortable.

Settling isn't shameful. In fact it's understandable. But it creates sadness. So to deal with it, most will just let the dream go. Because it's too painful otherwise. I know a little something about this. #debtruth

My goal with these posts, is not to change who you are - but to help you bring to life what you may have hidden, and to step into the greatness of who you are, while holding your hand through the discomfort of growth. Because going it alone is abundantly difficult.

I am certain your dreams are worthy of you. It's why I keep showing up for you. You are a bright, capable, brilliant human being. And if you really want greater fulfillment and meaning, then just say "YES" to it. Have the courage to stand TALL. And watch the universe and all that is line up behind you. Including me.

To Your Amazing Success, xx

Honor What Needs Healing

Hello Beautiful.

Never be afraid to look at yourself. Never be afraid to tell yourself the truth. Never cover up the parts of you that you have labeled "bad". Because all of you is worthy of love. The more you hide of yourself the less love and forgiveness you can receive. And the less likely you will make the changes in your life you desperately want to make.

Every person you have ever known, every person who has ever lived for that matter, has a pocket of themselves which they close off to the rest of the world. Because they are deeply embarrassed or deeply ashamed. Take some comfort knowing that you are in very good company.

But being in good company does not take away the sting you feel about it.

Do you know what does take the sting away? Self-Compassion. Compassion means offering understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Today apply that compassion to yourself.

Learn to look at yourself with compassionate eyes. Because the judgement and the shame and the rejection you feel towards yourself will become the judgment you see reflected in the eyes of others. When what you really deserve, is full and complete LOVE for the beautiful human being you are.

Honestly and lovingly examining the aspects of you that you wished were different gives you a beautiful opportunity to ask the questions, Can I live with this? Or do I want to do something about this? Have I forgiven myself for this? Can I grow from this?

Shine a light on your life. Shine a light on all of beautiful pieces of your existence. Never hide yourself. And when you are ready to reach for help and support, I hope you do so with full acceptance and hope for complete acceptance and healing.

To Your Amazing Success, xx

Put a Period at the end of an Experience

Hello Beautiful.

Have you noticed that people who struggle with relationships, have always struggled with relationships? Have you also noticed that people who are late are always late? And people who struggle with weight, money, procrastination, letting go, have always struggled with these issues?

The truth is, we are all walking, talking, breathing bundles of habits. Day in and day out, we think the thoughts we have always thought. We speak the same words. We believe the same things. We blame the same people. And we respond very very predictably to life. It's become tough to surprise people.

Sometimes that serves us. Because routines and rituals make us efficient, accountable, and reliable. All good. But too often it hurts us. Because we get caught in these perpetual loops of bad experiences like one big run on sentence. There just is no end.

I want to impress upon you today how important it is to for you to recognize the patterns in your life. Where is your consistent pain? What do you struggle with over and over? And when will enough become enough. Because it is only YOU who can change it.

The really really great news, is that you can absolutely change it. Ask yourself these 2 questions:

  1. If not now, then when? (How much longer are you prepared to live with it?)
  2. If now me, then who? (Who will change it for you?)

Put a period on the end of a pattern. Put a period on the end of an experience. And write yourself a new story. Today: do something different.

To your amazing success, xx

When to Walk Away

Hello Beautiful.

There is this common misconception that loyalty means sacrificing oneself to the bitter end. That serving others (employers, clients, spouses, loved ones) means attending ALWAYS to their needs and only to your own if there was time left over. And only if your needs did not contradict.

While I will always espouse the virtue of commitment and persistence, it is never intended to mean "at all costs", especially when YOU are counted in that cost. Sacrifices are okay. but sacrificing yourself should never be part of a winning relationship. Relationships (including employment/client relationships) are only worthy when both parties are benefiting more than they are losing.

There comes a point when banging your head against a wall becomes fruitless, and there just simply will not be a mutually satisfying resolution. Give yourself permission to walk away.

That does not mean walk away bitter. It means walk away better.

Never be afraid to let something go that is not serving your greater good. Because the moment you start honoring yourself you set the standard for others to do the same. This isn't about getting angry and ugly, this is about getting clear and decisive. Make all your exits graceful.

To Your Amazing Success, xx

 

Be Stronger than your Best Excuse

Hello Beautiful.

This week as I was cleaning my office I came across a love note I wrote to myself last year. I entitled it "My Kindness Plan", meaning my own kindness to myself. On it was a list of 10 daily commitments to my growth, wellness and well being. One of the items really jumped out at me - mainly because I was NOT doing it.

Instantly I got a case of the guilts. I don't think there is anything worse than not keeping a promise to yourself. It signals a lack of self-love; and I am all about self-love.

Predictably the (it's not my fault) excuses surfaced:

  • I moved and had forgotten about the note
  • I was busy traveling and work travel is hard
  • I had other priorities I was juggling
  • I am good in so many other areas
  • blah blah blah

Here's the thing .. EVEN THE BEST EXCUSE DOESN'T FEEL AS GOOD AS SUCCESS. No excuse was ever going to feel as good to me as actually keeping my commitment. That's really the bottom line for me. So I dusted off all my excuses... and I did the thing.

I wish I could tell you it felt good. It didn't. I hated it as I was doing it. BUT, and this is the important part ... on the tail end of it I said to myself: that was really good for me.

Nothing feels as good as keeping your commitment. Especially when the commitment is to yourself.

To Your Amazing Success, xx

 

Always Do Your Best

Hello Beautiful.

Do you ever hear yourself speaking and think "Oh my goodness, that sounded like my mother talking!" And then you cringe slightly as you realize you have morphed into serious adulthood lol. Here is one piece of advice I bet your mother gave you:

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.

It's sage wisdom. Of course we should always do our best. But here is how I like to phrase it for a little more punch:

Don't go after anything with less than your best. 

The difference is a more proactive statement which implies you really really want the thing you are chasing. And therefore your best is not only preferred, it is required.

Sometimes when we are reaching for something new, we give ourselves escape clauses, and permission to do less than our best. Phrases like, I'll try. Or let's see how this goes. Or I'll give it my best effort. Which really means, "I'll give up if this becomes uncomfortable."

That's not winning, that's giving yourself an option to lose - or to accept less than what you want. It's called going through the motions. Do you ever watch students, or colleagues going through the motions? And don't you just want to give them a good shake?! lol

I am suggesting that you do not chase anything unless you are prepared to give it your BEST. I mean BEST best. I mean throw yourself in the arena, get bumps and bruises, fall down and get back up BEST. I mean try and fail, try and stumble, and keep going til you figure it out BEST.

Every problem is an opportunity for you to do your BEST.
Every door you walk through is an opportunity for you to do your BEST.
Every pang of fear is an opportunity for you to do your BEST.

Because BEST is what it takes for you to become excellent. And excellence will bring you kingdoms of rewards. Trust your calling. Trust yourself. Show up, in your BEST!

Don't go after anything with less than your best.

To your amazing success, xx

 

Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

Hello Beautiful.

There is a truism in life: things always get worse before they get better. Whenever you make a stand for your life and decide to let something go that not longer fits you (a failed relationship, an ill-fitting job or business, a geographical change), you enter the place between where you were and where you want to be. And in this place of transition, things are unsettled. Routines are disturbed. Familiarity is gone. And life as you knew it disappears.

There is a certain panic that sets in as you realize that you cannot go back to your comfort (even in misery there is a certain level of comfort), and the new realm you are entering does not yet fit you since you have not yet grown completely into it. So things are bumpy and challenging and difficult and ... well... sucky.

So what typically happens in the phase is that we get emotionally off kilter. We breakdown, we cry, we scream, we lament, we fight, we blame, we panic, and we lash out. All of this is symptomatic of the transition we are in. What's worse is that this is when ALL the bad news of your life surfaces. Why? Because this is the process of "break down" (meaning you are breaking down one level of your life to prepare for the next).

Nobody goes from comfort to breakthrough. The process is comfort - breakdown - breakthrough. Always. For everyone.

The key to navigating this with success is very simple ... JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD. These transitional periods do not last long. And on the other side of this chaos, is exactly what you hope to find. Standing on the other side of this experience you will absolutely declare "that was so worth it". Because it is.

To Your Amazing Success, xx